When Trust Becomes Problematic

DISCLAIMER: This article contains explicit content, read at your own discretion.

Hey guys! How are you doing? So some things I wanna say. I go to a large all-girls private school, and (deep breath) I’m a freshman in high school. So any who, once a year my school has an overnight. Once a year all four grades get driven by arranged transportation to a hotel over the weekend. There are usually four people per room, and we have assigned mealtimes, activities, and time to be on our own. 

So Friday night me and my friends were chilling in my room after our grade time where we had a skit making fun of teachers, a sing along, and tons of candy. So one thing you should know about high school is most probably a large amount of people are gonna be having a problem, ranging from self harm, family issues, and maybe low self esteem, which I guess is mostly everyone. Some people, because of that, become problems to others. Some people get affected by other’s problems in negative ways but are fine on their own. So you could be many things in high school. Problematic, problematic as a byproduct of another problematic individual, a loner, and enabler, as well as a problem, or maybe you are just going through something but you are quiet about it. You don’t have to be just one or another, you can change, and be more than one or none at times. So this girl who was in my room (not exactly in my room, but seven of us were in a room together, technically, because two rooms were conjoined). Because of the sing along she got kind of emotional, and got thinking about her life. She went to hang out with some sophomores. But legit the kind of reaction a kid in my room had bugs me so bad. 

She was all like, oh no I’m worried about her is she ok. Ok I know, that’s not so bad, she could ask once. But knowing the girl who went to the tenth graders room, she would’ve wanted to be left alone. So me and two other girls find the tenth graders room, and are all like ‘Ya she’s worried, she saw you crying, you ok? You sure? Just come, she’s worried.’ I mean she was obviously fine being with the tenth graders, and if she says she doesn’t want to come, she means it. Also, why do you needa keep asking? Cuz like, you can reach out if you’re worried, but if she refuses to engage further with you about it THAT’S HER CHOICE. All I’m saying is the world, as well as high school, could work much better if people kept to their own lane, and respected boundaries. Maybe someone else isn’t doing that, but you can. So as of now I’m upset at the girl for worrying, and going about her worries in a way that honesty seems selfish. A part of it could be that she is kind of getting attention for worrying, and it’s frustrating, like bruh, she doesn’t care to hear from you, she’s fine. Like as if she could make it better anyway. 

But I’m also upset at the friend who left for the tenth graders room, for understanding the situation everyone else is in, for not humoring the worried girl, just for the heck of it and being all ‘Hey they said you’re worried, I’m fine thanks for caring though, ya I’m sure.” That’s what I would do. Just cus I wouldn’t want others to have the annoyance of dealing with the worried girl.

But I’m also upset at the girl nagging the girl-in-the-tenth-grader’s-room to come to show the worried girl that she’s not ok. Like SHE DOESN’T WANT TO IT’S NOT YOUR JOB to guilt her into coming. That’s not fair to her. Not to mention the girls who are arguing with the girls who want the previously crying girl to come humor the worried girl, and are saying, if she doesn’t want to come it’s fine. They’re all frustrating me. So I really want to say something, but at best it wouldn’t do anything. At worst it would make things even more annoying. Ok I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m blowing this out of proportion, cus on top of this there is tension, which could be avoided, so ya, I’m getting irritated. 

So I don’t know who the previously crying girl’s tenth grade friends are. Wait they might be in eleventh, who knows. But since I’m (not to brag) close with her, I know she won’t mind me joining her, cus right now I don’t want to be in the room with my friends. The girls let me join them in their room, and we end up having a very entertaining conversation about stupid things teachers/little sisters do. Come to think of it, both teachers and younger sisters are kinda similar. They both get offended easily, they both talk for long periods of time about things no one cares about, they don’t generally consider how you feel about them, and they try to get you to do activities with them that are annoying. 

It’s fine, it’s chill. But I don’t feel close to these girls, and the people I do feel close to are being bothersome. So I kind of feel alone. But not in a ‘Oh no something needs to be done about this, I can’t go on!’ kind of way. Because I know things will be fine the next day. Then the face of a girl who I think could solve my problem of not feeling like I’m fitting in anywhere pops into my head.